alone in my bedroom

don't be misled by the title of this post - if you're expecting some sort of kinky nookie action, you're about to be sorely disappointed. anyway, let's get on with it, shall we? let the disappointment begin.

anyway, remember me waxing lyrical, going all soppy and poetc-like in a previous post about the book, and how the next time i will see it, it will have blossomed? how i would probably want to spend a week alone with it in my bedroom, stroking sniffing prodding etcetc? well. i am in my bed as i type, and i am in possession of advance copy of the novel, but there are a handful of other things present that i had not accounted for in my previous fantasy set-up. there is a hangover, there are memories of bawling my eyes out until i fell asleep, and there is an amazing lack of feeling as far as the actual novel is concerned. maybe i'm suffering postpublish depression?

it was weird. getting the book off my publisher was a great moment, as it was also her last day at the office. so it was special to be able to have a chat with her and give her a hug. but once i left the office i kind of numbed out. yeah, i showed lots of people and went through the motions of appearing happy, but inside there was pretty much nothing. so, what's the best way to deal with these confusing feelings? get rolling drunk, of course. in a nod to the 'half-a-bowl of chips and beer with a red wine jus for dinner fir me, thanks!' days of old, i proceeded to stumble round richmond in the rain, feeling stupid for feeling sorry for myself - i mean, what else do you want? you got a book, you idiot! - then i came home, cried like a freak, and fell asleep. oh yeah, then woke up at five a.m. with a splitting headache and was comforted by the husband whom i had earlier accused of not being happy enough. yeah. it's party central at shalini's place at the moment. doesn't she sound like a marvellous person to spend and evening with? marvellous!

i don't know what's wrong with me. maybe it's a combination of the huge build-up, and my tendency to over-think things. i'm sure i'm not the only one to have gone through this weird emotional psycho-tumbler, but i hope it all levels out before the launch. cause this stuff would make for rivetting publicity...
- so shalini, how do you feel about getting your first book published?
- *shrugging* yeah, it's good i guess. it's all right.
enough of the whinging. i have so much to be thankful for ayt the moment, so i will now begin building a large bridge so i can get over it.

i would like to share with you that i have been invited to participate as a key guest of the 2005 melbourne writers festival in late august. that is so surreal, that i don't think i'll even start thinking about that till after the launch.